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Just finished this in time for my songwriting book club meeting. It was inspired by the book Pronoia by Spencer Brezsny. His primary thesis is that the universe is conspiring in our favor. For the most part I agree with this theory and the author's content, but I didn't love the presentation so much. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood to "go there" with him. In any case, I found it amusing that I've been trying to turn a corner on my cynical songwriting, and here was an author showing me a trillion examples of optimism, yet I just kept rolling my eyes at the way the book was structured. I had Dylan's song Idiot Wind in mind the whole time. Instead of trying to stifle my cynicism, I just let myself bask in it for the sake of the song. It was kind of fun to give myself permission to do that. Who knows, maybe I subconsciously learned that lesson from the book! i've had enough of you i've had enough of you i sure wish your mouth came with some glue cause i've had enough of you it's not what you say but the way that you state it it's not what you serve up but the way that you plate it i'm already fed up 'fore i see the menu yes i've had enough of you you're like a book i can't read you're like a book i can't read the day i put you down was the day i was freed yeah you're like a book i can't read each word so much worse than the last i curse every page and skim past all this stuff, it's just fluff, a marshmallow stampede yeah you're like a book i can't read i concur with your scorn for my cynical ways it's a lazy and boring disguise but the soapbox you stand on takes up too much space and it's taking a toll on the roll on my eyes when that idiot wind starts to blow when that idiot wind starts to blow i always take it as my cue to go when that idiot wind starts to blow i don't like to watch when the emperor streaks or the way that the breath of a bragging man reeks i'm covering my eyes, i'm plugging my nose when that idiot wind starts to blow 
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Recently the San Diego Songwriters Collective posted a prompt challenging songwriters to write a song using Colors as an inspiration. I couldn't make the meeting, but decided to take a stab at it anyway. Here's what I came up with. In what comes as no surprise to anyone on this planet, it's about my mama. Annnnnnnd in other shocking news, I cry in the video. I'm becoming a caricature of myself, guys, I know. Lyrics 1.I clicked the link that said add one to the basket I didn’t think I’d be this young shopping for a casket The whole thing was pink with pretty little flowers to match it We watched it sink deep down in the grave that we paid for to stash it CHORUS In a way, the day she died, I did a little too I’d have to say it was the day pink turned blue 2. When she was alive I’d get lost on a dime, broke down like a car I tried to drive away so many times but never got too far But now I believe she’s giving me signs, I see ‘em in the stars Even though grief made me blind now I see her fine, she’s on my radar CHORUS In a way, she gave me the go-ahead, the gasoline I’d have to say she's paving the way for red to turn green  Hello friends. I just finished up a song inspired by my latest songwriting book club read, The Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian. It was a good read - really intense but fascinating (fictional but historical) account of the Armenian genocide. I loved how the author traced the story of struggle and survival through multiple generations, ethnicities, etc. of women. In these songwriting challenges, I always try to find the characters or themes that resonate with me, and apply my own experience, but I felt like kind of an imposter trying to relate on a personal level to the unimaginable suffering these characters witnessed and endured. My problems become all but imaginary when viewed through the horrifying lens of attempted ethnic cleansing. So instead of narrowing my focus, I widened the scope and thought about how the book relates to the position many women have found themselves in since the dawn of time. We play so many roles for "some man, some god, some war" - some of which are forced on us, some of which we embrace, many of which demean us or destroy us in one way or another. Whether we are perceived as sexual objects of desire, spiritual objects of religion, or social objects of war, we've been consistently rendered useless, unworthy of governing our own bodies, choosing our own beliefs, or creating our own culture. I'm encouraged at how far we've come, but slightly exasperated at how far we've yet to go. Here's hoping the momentum will continue to build. I truly believe women are the key to making a more powerful impact and a more peaceful world. If you agree, please give this song a share! Lyrics: 1. She is dried out like the desert She is famished, all but vanished by design And her hide out is her cactus heart Her own hand grenade, a barricade of spines CHORUS The sands of time repeating She’s seen suffering before Her future takes a beating for some man, some god, some war 2. She is minding her own business Steadfastly building castles of sand She is blinded by a raging son Who demolishes and calls it all his land CHORUS These poor holy rolling soldiers’ plight They can’t live without their virgins and whores To lift their strengths and spirits to fight for Some man, some god, some war 3. We are sucking out the venom Of poisonous scorpions and snakes We are bucking this ecosystem Til our mother’s deserts are our daughter’s lakes CHORUS Oh, wondrous, thunderous women Together too loud to ignore No more curtsies at the mercy of some man, some god, some war  This song came from an exasperated moment where I looked back on the past year or so and felt frustrated by....well, everything. My mom died in February, and I still somehow managed to put together a charting album release and tour in July. Since then though, I think the trauma of it all has just wrapped it's thorny vines around my ankles and I can't seem to machete my way out. I used to have a plan of attack for my musical aspirations. I used to have an unmatched work ethic. I used to hit the ground running and make things happen for myself. I was the send-100-emails-or-it's-not-a-good-day girl. I used to have energy. I used to have a mom. And now, it kind of just feels like my batteries won't charge. I'm just as far away from my goals as I've ever been, only now I don't even seem to have the stamina to watch them slip away. I'm like that girl who sprains her ankle at a track meet. Instead of heroically hobbling to the finish line, I kind of want to just sit there and cry for a second. Here's hoping I get up and hobble soon, but in the meantime, here's a song for wound-lickers. Lyrics: 1. I don’t want to pay a publicist to like me I don’t want to ask a journalist to write nice things about me I don’t want to beg my friends to come to my next show I don’t want to paste my stupid face on stupid clothes Chorus: I just want to write a song that saves the world Or pays my rent When chasing your dreams turns to chasing your tail, you start asking yourself where the hell all the time went 2. I don’t want to shake a hand and fake my admiration I don’t want to stoke or fan the flames of my frustration I don’t want to envy when my friends enjoy successes Or give bits of me for free just to see who it impresses Chorus 3. I don’t want to be negative I’ll quit my bellyaching I don’t want to second guess my purpose or decision making I don’t want the past or future to chase me up a tree If I stay here in this moment, maybe my dreams might chase me  So I rounded up some of my nerdiest TV-watching musician friends and presented them with a Game of Thrones themed songwriting challenge. Participants were randomly assigned GOT characters and tasked with writing a song influenced or inspired by that character in some way. Visit this FB event page to check out everyone's fabulous entries! I was originally assigned The Hound for my prompt, but I also wrote one for the Stark sisters when a couple participants had to back out. (How could I resist writing a sister song!?) Hope you enjoy - feel free to share with any fellow GOT-lovers! Characters: Arya Stark & Sansa Stark Songwriter: Lindsay White Song Title: Needle & Thread Lyrics: 1. i get to the point i'm sharp to the touch sometimes i'm out for blood it doesn't take much you're shockingly strong not as soft as you seem sometimes you are afraid but babe you can get through anything CH we are tied together sister we were born and bred and this time we will keep what we reap when we sow they don't know about this needle and thread 2. i struggled alone got lost in the stack returned to my home i learned to attack you suffered enough all tangled and spun we will not be caught stark naked when the winter comes REPEAT CH Character: Sandor Clegane (The Hound) Songwriter: Lindsay White Song Title: The Hound Lyrics: 1. face to the furnace, tears up in flames i was the fodder, were you not entertained you heard it cracking, did you laugh at that sound fire is fuel when you're the hound 2. now i've taken orders and i've contravened i've saved the day, and i have fled the scene i could care less about castles and crowns power is pointless when you're the hound br just allow me to touch upon the fact my knee was never bent used to have a nose for blood but now it's gone i must have lost that scent it's a wonder i've seen love at all it must have been by accident 3. i've taken prisoners, i've been behind bars i figure salvation is not without scars face to the furnace, nose to the ground fire is freedom when you're the hound  image from hbo.com Hope is always looked to as some unifying, mesmerizing, supernatural conduit for positive change. Obama ran on the idea of hope. But can hope be a negative thing? Toxic or paralyzing, even? I think so. The idea for this song came directly from a text message conversation I was having with a friend about her recent breakup. She was referring to that feeling we all know so well - when a relationship is over, and we know better than to hope for a different outcome, yet hope lingers. She literally texted me the line "there's nothing worse than hoping at a time like this." Coincidentally, I was having feelings about my relationship to my music career that sort of paralleled this hopeless type of hope, so I drew from that well to give the song a bit more personal meaning for me. I "hope" (har har har I hate myself) you like it. Lyrics: 1. there's a pillow i keep punching i always take you lying down there's a pill so hard to swallow i have to hide it in my mouth CH i'm sinking down the valley i can't find the surface i'm fighting the finale like a novice novelist i'm pacing like Penelope hope for my homecoming kiss course there's nothing worse than hoping in a lonesome time like this 2. there's a hole where i keep whispering i always wonder if you hear there's a hopeless place where i know best but dear i don't dare to go near CH i'm counting up the memories and the sacrifices i'll spend them on you honey i don't care what the price is i'm testing several theories hoping to prove the same thesis but there's nothing worse than hoping in a lonesome time like this BR worry my mind furrow my brow sweetheart i'm sweating bullets sweating you out how can i let you go when i still hope that hope exists i know there's nothing worse than hoping at a lonesome time like this still i just sit here hoping at a lonesome time like this  Here's a little existential ditty I wrote while spending a few days of alone/quiet time in Oregon. After mom died, my sister and I would always text each other this question, half-serious, half-joking. I started thinking about that question and then it turned into a whole song's worth of questions on the topic. I still don't have the answer, but as my friend puts it: "It's a conundrum...but it beats the alternative." Lyrics: 1. Is it a wall is it a well, is it a building or a bridge? Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what fucking structure even is Is it a snake in the grass, is it a flower in the weeds? What does it take, what does it ask, what does it give, what does it need? CHORUS What even is life? Just a place to live and die find someone to love and say goodbye? 2. Call me Godless call me faithless call me a sinner call me brainless Call me devil call me rival point to pages in your Bible Preach of gold up in the heavens, warn of flames that burn in hell Go head pretend to be an expert on shit you don’t know so well What even is life? Just a car you don’t know how to drive and you’ll never make it out alive? 3. Is it kind of arbitrary but a little bit on purpose? Time is precious and it’s scary but it’s make-believe and worthless Are we ignorant are we brilliant, are we fixed or are we fluid? Are we floating on forever are we rotting where we’re rooted? What even is life? Just a place that we call home to live together and die alone?  It's been hard, losing my dear friend Jeffrey Joe while out on tour. I'm having trouble processing the reality and permanence of it. I'm sad I won't be around for the memorial celebration of life. But mostly I just miss him so, so much. When I had a couple days off in Vancouver, WA, I took a stab at writing a tune to honor JJ but so far I don't think this one does him justice. He always used to sign off "Ever Yours" and he would always tell me silly stuff like "on a scale of 1-10 I love you 94." I loved how silly and quick-witted he was. And how resilient. And how strong. And how much he loved me. This song kind of pales in comparison to all of that. I just don't think i'm prepared to go into the deep end of that pain yet. Maybe when I get home. For the meantime, this one's for you JJ. Lyrics 1. you had a big heart that bloomed like a flower you had a smooth voice that sailed like a ship you had a strong spine built like a tower you had a sweet smile just like a kids CHORUS ever yours, ever mine you taught me how to wait until the scar turns to a shine ever green, ever blue the color of my eyes now that they won't be seeing you 2. i had a hard time when you caught that fever i had a long cry alone in my car i had this pipe dream you'd live forever i got this feeling you did not go far CHORUS ever mine, ever yours our souls outlast the dusty bones of death and dinosaurs ever long, evermore on a scale of one to ten, my friend, i miss you 94  Hey friends - if you're digging the new album and want to get the lowdown behind each track, head on over to Global Texan Chronicles for the exclusive Track by Track feature.  Check out this month's issue of San Diego Troubadour for a great interview and writeup about the new album Lights Out. I love how Lizzie Wann was able to weave together two of my passions (music and boxing). Shout-out to Title Boxing Club North Park! Plus, I got to talk about how much I love my wifey: “Audrie supported me through what now seems like an obvious realization that I deserve to be happy, and I’ve been bonkers in love with her ever since.” READ MORE  |
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