This one is kind of about how you (or people consoling you) try to rationalize and stay positive in grief. I try to tell myself to feel better because a lot people have it a lot worse. For example, I often think "don't be too sad about all that debt; some people don't even have a credit card" or "don't be too sad you had a shitty relationship with your mom as an adult; at least you had a good childhood and a lot of people don't even get that." Problem is, sometimes this makes you feel worse. It's like adding a thick layer of guilt to a grief sandwich. Soooo, I've been feeling some of the depression more now since the initial shock has worn off. I know (I hope) I'll climb out of that but it can be more comfortable and comforting to hang out with the familiar/negative stuff than exert the energy required to find the positive. Depression contradicts with all the things we learn about trying to be a good, virtuous person, so I leaned on some imagery about Justice, Prudence, Courage, etc. to try and illustrate how they don't quite matter or even make a whole lot of sense in my current reality. Grief/loss is a pretty prevalent theme in my songwriting, but it's just extra raw right now. Hence the crying. Lyrics
1. I’ve got nothing left I can balance on That lady with the blindfold is gone Her scale and her sword have nothing more to say It was just us then, it’s just me now Where’s the justice in time running out I’m trying to transcend but it sinks further in every day CHOURUS So I keep company with well-known cons I’m confident they’re my confidants And the pros won’t speak to me They are prone to secrecy And I don’t know if I’ll ever get through it Cause I’ve been the only one swearing them to it 2. There’s no wisdom now, no prudence here If I’m reckless or cautious, I really don’t care This snake and this mirror just slithered nearer to prey I don’t feel courage and I’m not in control I can’t produce faith and I won’t be consoled And I’m losing all hope that I’ll ever know better todays
0 Comments
SISTERS WHO LOVE THEIR SISTERS! BE IN MY MUSIC VIDEO!
The first single off my new record is a tribute to my sister Haley called Surrogate. I wrote it last year, but the song has taken on an even deeper meaning since we recently lost our mother. Haley has always been my sister/mother hybrid but now the role is hers and hers alone. For the music video, I need your help! I'm seeking a bunch of footage of sisters. You know, just doing sister stuff. Here's how to play: 1. Find or create a video of sisters being sisters. 5-20 seconds should do. Sorry, no pictures. We need video! 2. Horizontal/Wide footage is preferred. (Just turn your phone when recording) 3. Youtube links also okay as long as you are the owner! 4. Send via gmail/dropbox/pigeon to lindsayannwhite@gmail.com. This means you're giving me permission. Deadline: Friday, March 3rd! PLEASE SHARE/SPREAD THE WORD! *No offense to my brothers or only-child peeps, but I'd like this particular song to feature sisters only since the main thread is my relationship with my sis. Now that my mom is gone, I'm struggling with reconciling our estranged relationship all over again. In her last 6 months or so, I truly accepted the fact we were never going to be close as we both hoped. Since she died, I think I have to process the same thing, only this time I have to accept that we will never be physically close again. It's a whole new ballgame where I don't feel entitled to my own grief, like I don't deserve to miss her as much as I do. She had a very tough life and scrapped her way through it with such strength and fearlessness and conviction in her faith. It was such an incredible armor for her but it was also the barrier between us. I'll save the rest for therapy but here are the lyrics. Lyrics:
1. Her life was a boxing ring She never took off Her gloves She never stopped swinging Not even for love CHORUS From the very first round To the very last bout She boxed her way in She boxed her way out I never got too close I never knew how Everything’s different With the lights out 2. Her faith was a lonely home She never took off From that place She never looked out the window Not even to see my face CHORUS From the very first brick To the very last grout She boxed her way in She boxed her way out I never got too close I never knew how Everything's different With the lights out Happy to share the story behind this new little ditty written in honor of my friends Nikki and Janet, and their new little bundle of joy who will be arriving on planet Earth very shortly! I wrote the original "Net & Key" (a play off their names) for their wedding a few years back, so I decided to continue with the theme. The lyrics are pretty straightforward and simple since I was going for a lullaby feel. I just wanted to highlight how sometimes kids grow up to absorb so many of their parents' traits, yet they still develop completely unique personalities. I also wanted to express how happy I am that Nikki and Janet are the kind of people who I know will commit to parenting with total grace and support for each other, and total love and encouragement for their child. Can't wait to meet the baby bean! Lyrics:
1. Maybe you’ll like telling jokes Maybe you’ll like reading poems Maybe you’ll like something we don’t We’ll probably mess something up Like misplace your best sippy cup If it gets hard enough to give up, we won’t CHORUS We’re building a home for you A place you can grow into Anything you want to be You will be safe with us We’ll earn your faith, your love, your trust Give you our heart, net, and key 2. Maybe you’ll cheer for the Bears Maybe speak French, eat Eclairs Maybe you’ll do something brand new We’re gonna learn as you grow We’re gonna teach what we know If you wonder who loves you the most, we do Happy to share that Punk Out recently featured a short narrative I wrote about my experience coming out and how it relates to music and relationships. Hope you like it- please share with anyone who may relate!
|
Archives
April 2024
Categories
All
|