5/11 Escondido Library - Shel Silverstein Set!
This was a fun interactive exploration of Shel Silverstein through songwriting, accompanied by Steve Nichols at the Escondido Library. (Some songs cut for time, full concert streaming below and on Escondido Library's Facebook Page). If you want to support more of this tom-foolery, word-nerdery, please join my Patreon!
Poem: How not to have to dry the dishes - p12
Theme: Weaponized incompetence - For thousands of years, we've been telling women and moms “I can’t do this as good as you so you should just do it” so we don’t have to do it.
Theme: Weaponized incompetence - For thousands of years, we've been telling women and moms “I can’t do this as good as you so you should just do it” so we don’t have to do it.
Corresponding Song: Disappearing
I co-wrote this with my friend Anna Ballew about the experience of being a mom/primary parent: Taking on all these extra roles and drowning under them, only for people to say “oh, you’re so good at that,” but not necessarily offering real support or resources that would help lighten the load.
Lyrics:
What do you want Is it still me
Somewhere along the path Desire turned to need
You say I'm crucial I make it all work
I know I'm useful, babe But so is dirt
It's like I'm disappearing Fading away
I know you don't want to hear it But it's all I want to say
It's like I'm disappearing Fading away
What are you having Drink's on me
It's been so long since decisions have been
Gifted and free You call me the sunlight
I already know Giving my energy til I give in
Then where do I go REPEAT CHORUS
Flood of attention Your eyes are on me
You drown me in moments We don't swim consistently
Tell me what you need Ooh, that's what you say
But you hear what you want to hear So crystal clear just turns to gray
REPEAT CHORUS
I co-wrote this with my friend Anna Ballew about the experience of being a mom/primary parent: Taking on all these extra roles and drowning under them, only for people to say “oh, you’re so good at that,” but not necessarily offering real support or resources that would help lighten the load.
Lyrics:
What do you want Is it still me
Somewhere along the path Desire turned to need
You say I'm crucial I make it all work
I know I'm useful, babe But so is dirt
It's like I'm disappearing Fading away
I know you don't want to hear it But it's all I want to say
It's like I'm disappearing Fading away
What are you having Drink's on me
It's been so long since decisions have been
Gifted and free You call me the sunlight
I already know Giving my energy til I give in
Then where do I go REPEAT CHORUS
Flood of attention Your eyes are on me
You drown me in moments We don't swim consistently
Tell me what you need Ooh, that's what you say
But you hear what you want to hear So crystal clear just turns to gray
REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Prayer of the Selfish Child p15
Theme: Greed/Resource Hoarding - While it’s a child-like knee-jerk reaction to hoard what we have (MINE!), it is an unsustainable practice that leads us to the mess we are in today. We’ve forgotten how forming communities and distributing resources is also instinctual when we mature beyond the child-like, fear-based urge to hoard and waste and destroy.
Theme: Greed/Resource Hoarding - While it’s a child-like knee-jerk reaction to hoard what we have (MINE!), it is an unsustainable practice that leads us to the mess we are in today. We’ve forgotten how forming communities and distributing resources is also instinctual when we mature beyond the child-like, fear-based urge to hoard and waste and destroy.
Corresponding Song: Money Stacks Body Bags
I wrote this during the pandemic, a time when we should have been coming together and learning how to create improved systems of care. But instead, those with the most resources doubled down on harmful practices and those with the least amount of resources continue to pay the price.
Lyrics:
we're shitting bricks we're spitting mad
we're restless and exhausted we're grateful but so sad
you worship money cash is your church
and your god's the easter bunny if rent's due on the first
you're corrupt just look at the destruction
you never gave a fuck about us
don't you come back no more
hit the road jack put your money stacks
in the body bags don't ya come back no more
i post my privileged protest from the unemployment line
do you like my brand new soapbox i got it on amazon prime
contagious convenience, continuous corporate news
freedom turns to greed yeah, if you're poor or your brown you don't get to choose
REPEAT CHORUS
maybe it's too late and we got it cause we asked for it
baby here's your hell in a trump-branded casket
or maybe we are right on time with fresh air to breathe
and we'll build something much better
if you just fucking leave - REPEAT CHORUS
I wrote this during the pandemic, a time when we should have been coming together and learning how to create improved systems of care. But instead, those with the most resources doubled down on harmful practices and those with the least amount of resources continue to pay the price.
Lyrics:
we're shitting bricks we're spitting mad
we're restless and exhausted we're grateful but so sad
you worship money cash is your church
and your god's the easter bunny if rent's due on the first
you're corrupt just look at the destruction
you never gave a fuck about us
don't you come back no more
hit the road jack put your money stacks
in the body bags don't ya come back no more
i post my privileged protest from the unemployment line
do you like my brand new soapbox i got it on amazon prime
contagious convenience, continuous corporate news
freedom turns to greed yeah, if you're poor or your brown you don't get to choose
REPEAT CHORUS
maybe it's too late and we got it cause we asked for it
baby here's your hell in a trump-branded casket
or maybe we are right on time with fresh air to breathe
and we'll build something much better
if you just fucking leave - REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Put Something In (p22)
Theme: Be a Goofball - Even if it's seemingly silly/insignificant, it's important to leave your mark.
Theme: Be a Goofball - Even if it's seemingly silly/insignificant, it's important to leave your mark.
Corresponding Song: Cheese Enchiladas
I don’t put out a lot of silly songs, but I love the levity of this one and how it speaks to the theme of this poem. It’s about my wife and how sweet it is to be in the orbit of someone you love and get to learn all the simple and silly ways they leave their mark.
Lyrics:
you wick away the water before you step out of the shower
you lather on the lotion for about a thousand hours
i soak up these scenes and small routines
all the little things you do
just when i thought you gave me everything
you give me something new to love about you
you love cheese enchiladas
and candies with words written on them
you make sure i’m tucked in tight
before you leave me in the morning REPEAT CHORUS
I don’t put out a lot of silly songs, but I love the levity of this one and how it speaks to the theme of this poem. It’s about my wife and how sweet it is to be in the orbit of someone you love and get to learn all the simple and silly ways they leave their mark.
Lyrics:
you wick away the water before you step out of the shower
you lather on the lotion for about a thousand hours
i soak up these scenes and small routines
all the little things you do
just when i thought you gave me everything
you give me something new to love about you
you love cheese enchiladas
and candies with words written on them
you make sure i’m tucked in tight
before you leave me in the morning REPEAT CHORUS
Another Corresponding Song: Desert Wild
Sometimes nature's silliness leaves its mark on me, and I use it as a songwriting technique. I wrote this while touring with my old duo on Mother’s Day. My mom was still alive but we were not on speaking terms. We were driving out near the desert and I used all that imagery to semi-cheekily describe the arid conditions of my relationship with my mom. To me, the song is a devastating blow that somehow on the surface looks like a cute little honky tonk toe tapper.
Lyrics:
there i was driving fast past the desert windmill farms
i couldn’t see energy in their lifeless heavy arms
never thought something so still could make me feel such an alarm
maybe my anxious observation made them nervous to perform
the outlaw sun had every one frozen like a stick-up
i was praying for momentum, wondering when the wind might pick up
the sharp scare of the dead air could surely cure a case of the hiccups
i’m still clicking both my heels but now the dust won’t even kick up
i didn’t know what to do, i didn’t know what to say
i didn’t wanna go but sure as hell didn’t wanna stay
can’t recall every moment but I’ll always know the the way
I felt in the desert wild, a lonely child on mother’s day
i slowed down near a truck stop town when something caught my sight
a cactus backed against the rocks, flexing for a fight
needles and pins pushing in and out with all their might
it looked thirsty, at the worst, it may not make it through the night
i felt sorry for that plant and the way it can’t give love
how should a cactus act when it’s offered a proper hug
of course i cared but wouldn’t dare to give it more than a sad shrug
i looked on the ground all around but never found my kid gloves
REPEAT CHORUS
somewhere the weather’s not so hot and the ocean comes to play
otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift away
but daughters cling to other things cause they’d drown if they stayed
i thought in the desert wild, a lonely child on mother’s day
Sometimes nature's silliness leaves its mark on me, and I use it as a songwriting technique. I wrote this while touring with my old duo on Mother’s Day. My mom was still alive but we were not on speaking terms. We were driving out near the desert and I used all that imagery to semi-cheekily describe the arid conditions of my relationship with my mom. To me, the song is a devastating blow that somehow on the surface looks like a cute little honky tonk toe tapper.
Lyrics:
there i was driving fast past the desert windmill farms
i couldn’t see energy in their lifeless heavy arms
never thought something so still could make me feel such an alarm
maybe my anxious observation made them nervous to perform
the outlaw sun had every one frozen like a stick-up
i was praying for momentum, wondering when the wind might pick up
the sharp scare of the dead air could surely cure a case of the hiccups
i’m still clicking both my heels but now the dust won’t even kick up
i didn’t know what to do, i didn’t know what to say
i didn’t wanna go but sure as hell didn’t wanna stay
can’t recall every moment but I’ll always know the the way
I felt in the desert wild, a lonely child on mother’s day
i slowed down near a truck stop town when something caught my sight
a cactus backed against the rocks, flexing for a fight
needles and pins pushing in and out with all their might
it looked thirsty, at the worst, it may not make it through the night
i felt sorry for that plant and the way it can’t give love
how should a cactus act when it’s offered a proper hug
of course i cared but wouldn’t dare to give it more than a sad shrug
i looked on the ground all around but never found my kid gloves
REPEAT CHORUS
somewhere the weather’s not so hot and the ocean comes to play
otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift away
but daughters cling to other things cause they’d drown if they stayed
i thought in the desert wild, a lonely child on mother’s day
Poem: Never (p36)
Theme: Lamenting Deferred Dreams/Accomplishments - Sometimes we get so hung up on what we haven’t done or aren't doing that we forget to acknowledge how just being, regardless of doing, is a huge miracle to be valued and enjoyed.
Theme: Lamenting Deferred Dreams/Accomplishments - Sometimes we get so hung up on what we haven’t done or aren't doing that we forget to acknowledge how just being, regardless of doing, is a huge miracle to be valued and enjoyed.
Corresponding Song: Time is On The Way
I wrote this after returning from a cross-country tour where I felt very disillusioned and unsure of my life's decisions. Then I started looking back on some of the pictures I had taken during my travels, and I remembered the journey doesn't really have too much to do with the destination. With this reframing I was able to see the experience in a whole new light that made me really grateful for this ability to write and share my songs, no matter where it “gets” me, so to speak. I may "NEVER" win a Grammy, but I still get to be here with you, and that's special in itself.
Lyrics:
is the weight of the world wreaking its havoc?
is the state of affairs so scary it hurts
is that venomous voice in your head automatic?
just letting you have it?
making you feel like dirt?
baby you're the damn grand canyon, baby you're a big great lake
you got that majesty, that beauty you can see from outer space
all those tall sequoias, they didn't grow in just one day
you know a landmark kind of life takes time, and time is on the way
time is on the way, carving marvels out of clay, yeah time is on the way
is the hardest part of your day in the morning?
turn on your phone, feel alone, and lament
does the pressure you feel steal your breath without warning?
feel that furrowed brow forming, making you feel irrelevant REPEAT CHORUS
time is on the way coming round to save the day
so slow down, let it pave the way, yeah time is on the way
I wrote this after returning from a cross-country tour where I felt very disillusioned and unsure of my life's decisions. Then I started looking back on some of the pictures I had taken during my travels, and I remembered the journey doesn't really have too much to do with the destination. With this reframing I was able to see the experience in a whole new light that made me really grateful for this ability to write and share my songs, no matter where it “gets” me, so to speak. I may "NEVER" win a Grammy, but I still get to be here with you, and that's special in itself.
Lyrics:
is the weight of the world wreaking its havoc?
is the state of affairs so scary it hurts
is that venomous voice in your head automatic?
just letting you have it?
making you feel like dirt?
baby you're the damn grand canyon, baby you're a big great lake
you got that majesty, that beauty you can see from outer space
all those tall sequoias, they didn't grow in just one day
you know a landmark kind of life takes time, and time is on the way
time is on the way, carving marvels out of clay, yeah time is on the way
is the hardest part of your day in the morning?
turn on your phone, feel alone, and lament
does the pressure you feel steal your breath without warning?
feel that furrowed brow forming, making you feel irrelevant REPEAT CHORUS
time is on the way coming round to save the day
so slow down, let it pave the way, yeah time is on the way
Poem: Anchored (p51)
Theme: Letting Go - Sometimes the people or things that once were really good for our growth become the people or things that hinder our growth.
Theme: Letting Go - Sometimes the people or things that once were really good for our growth become the people or things that hinder our growth.
Corresponding Song: Reverse Abortion
This is one of the more painful songs I've ever written about making the decision to put up a communication boundary with my mom after I came out.
Lyrics:
if this will ever get better it will surely get worse
who says what, when, where, who calls who first?
is hope worth holding or do i wipe my hands?
the situation paces restless in the place it stands
i watch with aching despair from my bird's eye
how can i bring you air without losing my sky?
you threw up your borders i just drew a line
will it trace back to you or erase over time
i fly like a phoenix, i hover over your mule
as it thrashes its hooves in a sorrow-full pool
i know only to rise so i can't dive back down
and besides, if i tried we both surely would drown
REPEAT CHORUS
i didn't dig a grave or burn a bridge, i broke a cycle
the life you gave i yearned to live, the alternative was suicidal
it was never what i wanted - to be a self-inflicted orphan
now i lay awake haunted by a cursed, reverse abortion
REPEAT CHORUS
This is one of the more painful songs I've ever written about making the decision to put up a communication boundary with my mom after I came out.
Lyrics:
if this will ever get better it will surely get worse
who says what, when, where, who calls who first?
is hope worth holding or do i wipe my hands?
the situation paces restless in the place it stands
i watch with aching despair from my bird's eye
how can i bring you air without losing my sky?
you threw up your borders i just drew a line
will it trace back to you or erase over time
i fly like a phoenix, i hover over your mule
as it thrashes its hooves in a sorrow-full pool
i know only to rise so i can't dive back down
and besides, if i tried we both surely would drown
REPEAT CHORUS
i didn't dig a grave or burn a bridge, i broke a cycle
the life you gave i yearned to live, the alternative was suicidal
it was never what i wanted - to be a self-inflicted orphan
now i lay awake haunted by a cursed, reverse abortion
REPEAT CHORUS
Another Corresponding Song: Colder Feet
In addition to letting go of a toxic relationship with my mom, I made the choice to let go of my marriage to my husband. However inevitable or obvious this choice was for me as the person coming out, it was a massive blow to him - something he obviously didn't ask for or deserve. But like the poem, if I would have hauled my marriage on board, it would've sunk us both.
Lyrics:
left the key out on the dresser
sat down and cried
couldn’t make myself write the letter
that said goodbye
two toothbrushes in a coffee cup
there’s just one now
i’m sorry for the way i screwed things up
everywhere you turn you see damage done now
i just want to tell you one last thing
you were my shoulder, my best friend
wish i could have saved you from this pain
wish my feet were colder back then
empty bottles on the counter
broken pictures in the hall
i’m sorry that you’re angry, you should be
you probably don’t want to see me at all
big ol’ bed taking up too much space
much too big for one now
i’m sorry for that sad look on your face
everywhere you turn you see damage done now
REPEAT CHORUS
In addition to letting go of a toxic relationship with my mom, I made the choice to let go of my marriage to my husband. However inevitable or obvious this choice was for me as the person coming out, it was a massive blow to him - something he obviously didn't ask for or deserve. But like the poem, if I would have hauled my marriage on board, it would've sunk us both.
Lyrics:
left the key out on the dresser
sat down and cried
couldn’t make myself write the letter
that said goodbye
two toothbrushes in a coffee cup
there’s just one now
i’m sorry for the way i screwed things up
everywhere you turn you see damage done now
i just want to tell you one last thing
you were my shoulder, my best friend
wish i could have saved you from this pain
wish my feet were colder back then
empty bottles on the counter
broken pictures in the hall
i’m sorry that you’re angry, you should be
you probably don’t want to see me at all
big ol’ bed taking up too much space
much too big for one now
i’m sorry for that sad look on your face
everywhere you turn you see damage done now
REPEAT CHORUS
Another Corresponding Song: Boat Train
Letting go is clearly a theme that resonates with my life and relationships. I wrote this song about a breakup with my first female partner. I think after blowing up my whole life I was almost desperate to make this relationship work in order to "prove" that coming out was the right decision. It took a long time to realize that all our different pieces and parts couldn't move forward as a unit in a healthy way, so this is a song about disassembling the parts of a relationship that didn’t work in order to nurture our own personal growth
Lyrics:
we built a freight train, it carried cargo, we set the train out to sea if it would float
we had a false hope, we had so far to go if only trains had buoys
we should have built a boat, we should have let it sail
instead we built a train and let the train derail
we built a strong ship upon a railroad
sang sailor songs and dreamed of moving in one lane
we had a true love, we called it music the anchor dropped, there was no steam
we should have built a train, we had a thousand tries
instead we built a boat and let the boat capsize
i'll dock my boat out in calmer waters close enough to see land
and i'll look for you
your locomotive will pass along the harbor just close enough to squeeze my hand as you fly through
i'm going to build a boat, i'm going to hoist the mast
you're going to build a train, you're going to hear my name
a voice from the past
we're going to learn and grow, we're going to have some fun
go our separate ways and maybe meet some day
out by the setting sun
Letting go is clearly a theme that resonates with my life and relationships. I wrote this song about a breakup with my first female partner. I think after blowing up my whole life I was almost desperate to make this relationship work in order to "prove" that coming out was the right decision. It took a long time to realize that all our different pieces and parts couldn't move forward as a unit in a healthy way, so this is a song about disassembling the parts of a relationship that didn’t work in order to nurture our own personal growth
Lyrics:
we built a freight train, it carried cargo, we set the train out to sea if it would float
we had a false hope, we had so far to go if only trains had buoys
we should have built a boat, we should have let it sail
instead we built a train and let the train derail
we built a strong ship upon a railroad
sang sailor songs and dreamed of moving in one lane
we had a true love, we called it music the anchor dropped, there was no steam
we should have built a train, we had a thousand tries
instead we built a boat and let the boat capsize
i'll dock my boat out in calmer waters close enough to see land
and i'll look for you
your locomotive will pass along the harbor just close enough to squeeze my hand as you fly through
i'm going to build a boat, i'm going to hoist the mast
you're going to build a train, you're going to hear my name
a voice from the past
we're going to learn and grow, we're going to have some fun
go our separate ways and maybe meet some day
out by the setting sun
Poem: Unscratchable Itch (p52)
Theme: Things that trouble us that we can't seem to alleviate.
Theme: Things that trouble us that we can't seem to alleviate.
Corresponding Song: Run
I wanted to write a song about what an anxiety attack feels like, which is kind of similar to an unscratchable itch, only you think it might kill you.
Lyrics:
one drop of water and the lake still shakes
stomping my boots but the mud's still caked
i gotta find a way to let this go
a pile of bricks sticking to my chest
weighing me down they will not decongest
i tried to kill this ache but still it grows
how do i breathe now there's no air in my lungs
how do i climb down this ladder's out of rungs
how do i slow down when all i ever did was
all i ever did was run
should i be drinking now, well probably not
order a whiskey, cause it's worth a shot
maybe i'll drown this fear before it drowns me
trouble with worry is it won't get gone
cause you can never put your finger on
something you feel but you can not see REPEAT CHORUS
I wanted to write a song about what an anxiety attack feels like, which is kind of similar to an unscratchable itch, only you think it might kill you.
Lyrics:
one drop of water and the lake still shakes
stomping my boots but the mud's still caked
i gotta find a way to let this go
a pile of bricks sticking to my chest
weighing me down they will not decongest
i tried to kill this ache but still it grows
how do i breathe now there's no air in my lungs
how do i climb down this ladder's out of rungs
how do i slow down when all i ever did was
all i ever did was run
should i be drinking now, well probably not
order a whiskey, cause it's worth a shot
maybe i'll drown this fear before it drowns me
trouble with worry is it won't get gone
cause you can never put your finger on
something you feel but you can not see REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Gooloo (p114)
Theme: Being stuck in a position/body/situation you didn't ask for.
Theme: Being stuck in a position/body/situation you didn't ask for.
Corresponding Song: Surrogate
Gooloo reminds me of my sister, who has often been afflicted by circumstances out of her control. Because she was the oldest, she often protected me from some of our childhood struggles, but there was no one there to protect her. Because she was geographically closer to the rest of my family, end-of-life care-taking has now befallen her thrice. When someone has almost no choice but to overextend themselves, the result is often detrimental to their own health and well-being, which is unfortunately true in Haley's case. This song in no way makes up for that, but is my tiny way of showing her that I see her sacrifices, that I'm grateful for the way she showed up for me in my life, and that I am hellbent on giving her the same kind of care now that I'm old enough to provide some protection.
Lyrics:
you’re the sugar coat on a bitter pill
you’re the place i go in a earthquake drill
you will walk to the porch with a bat in your hand
so i don’t have to look at the boogeyman
you flash all of the light underneath my bed
and the monsters have not found me yet
but they found you, they surround you
look around you, yeah they found you
you’re the softest nest in the highest tree
you’re a needed kiss on a wounded knee
you crack open a cactus with your bare hands
so i don’t die of thirst in a desert land
you rip all of the targets right off my head
and the arrows have not got me yet
but they got you, yeah they shot you
an onslaught into you, yeah they got you
you’re a little bird with a lion’s mane
your dreams deferred in a weathervane
i will scour the depths and the breadth of the sea
and collect all the joy that you gave up for me
to the queen with her crown i will coronate
i will bow at the feet of my surrogate
i will praise you, cause you raised me
my grace traced to you, thank you haley
Gooloo reminds me of my sister, who has often been afflicted by circumstances out of her control. Because she was the oldest, she often protected me from some of our childhood struggles, but there was no one there to protect her. Because she was geographically closer to the rest of my family, end-of-life care-taking has now befallen her thrice. When someone has almost no choice but to overextend themselves, the result is often detrimental to their own health and well-being, which is unfortunately true in Haley's case. This song in no way makes up for that, but is my tiny way of showing her that I see her sacrifices, that I'm grateful for the way she showed up for me in my life, and that I am hellbent on giving her the same kind of care now that I'm old enough to provide some protection.
Lyrics:
you’re the sugar coat on a bitter pill
you’re the place i go in a earthquake drill
you will walk to the porch with a bat in your hand
so i don’t have to look at the boogeyman
you flash all of the light underneath my bed
and the monsters have not found me yet
but they found you, they surround you
look around you, yeah they found you
you’re the softest nest in the highest tree
you’re a needed kiss on a wounded knee
you crack open a cactus with your bare hands
so i don’t die of thirst in a desert land
you rip all of the targets right off my head
and the arrows have not got me yet
but they got you, yeah they shot you
an onslaught into you, yeah they got you
you’re a little bird with a lion’s mane
your dreams deferred in a weathervane
i will scour the depths and the breadth of the sea
and collect all the joy that you gave up for me
to the queen with her crown i will coronate
i will bow at the feet of my surrogate
i will praise you, cause you raised me
my grace traced to you, thank you haley
Poem: Twistable, Turnable Man (p138)
Theme: Always taking what life throws your way.
Theme: Always taking what life throws your way.
Corresponding Song: Lemonade
You know how folks say things like "everything happens for a reason" and "God doesn't ever give you want you can't handle" and other platitudes like that? This song is my version of the twistable turnable man, written during a period of my life when I was so bombarded by grief-inducing blow after blow that I truly wondered if I was going to be able to survive it.
Lyrics:
i lose i lose
i get it i lose
Anything i love
i know enough to tell ya
i’m gonna lose it
i’m gonna lose it
i bruise i bruise
i’ve sensitive skin
it pinches like a peach
each time that you touch me
you bruise it
you bruise it
look at all this lemonade i made babe
out of every lemon i’ve been given
take a picture of me diving in the pitcher
aint it funny how drowning looks like swimming
ain’t it funny how dying looks like living
i cry i cry
you know that i cry
my eyes never dry
heart heavy with sighs
i’m crying
i try i try but i can
barely get by
slowed to a crawl
get up and fall, i’m never flying
but i keep tryin REPEAT CHORUS
You know how folks say things like "everything happens for a reason" and "God doesn't ever give you want you can't handle" and other platitudes like that? This song is my version of the twistable turnable man, written during a period of my life when I was so bombarded by grief-inducing blow after blow that I truly wondered if I was going to be able to survive it.
Lyrics:
i lose i lose
i get it i lose
Anything i love
i know enough to tell ya
i’m gonna lose it
i’m gonna lose it
i bruise i bruise
i’ve sensitive skin
it pinches like a peach
each time that you touch me
you bruise it
you bruise it
look at all this lemonade i made babe
out of every lemon i’ve been given
take a picture of me diving in the pitcher
aint it funny how drowning looks like swimming
ain’t it funny how dying looks like living
i cry i cry
you know that i cry
my eyes never dry
heart heavy with sighs
i’m crying
i try i try but i can
barely get by
slowed to a crawl
get up and fall, i’m never flying
but i keep tryin REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Adventures of a Frisbee (p70)
Theme: Trying (unsuccessfully) to be everything you're not
Theme: Trying (unsuccessfully) to be everything you're not
Corresponding Song: I Am What I Am
As I grew more comfortable in my skin after coming out, I wrote my little gay anthem for queer folks who struggle with telling loved ones something true about themselves that they know will be met with all kinds of backlash.
Lyrics:
i picture the scene between me and you
sitting motionless in this living room
it’s a terrible thing to test the strength of blood-glue
but i don’t wanna lie, guess it’s best to tell the truth
i ain’t sorry for being what i am
i am sorry if it’s not what you had planned
we learn to hate the things that we don’t understand
i am what i am
i picture the pain in your eyes as i confess
but the fact remains i gotta get this off my chest
hope it won’t stain when we start to clean the mess
i fear the worst but i am hoping for the best REPEAT CHORUS
As I grew more comfortable in my skin after coming out, I wrote my little gay anthem for queer folks who struggle with telling loved ones something true about themselves that they know will be met with all kinds of backlash.
Lyrics:
i picture the scene between me and you
sitting motionless in this living room
it’s a terrible thing to test the strength of blood-glue
but i don’t wanna lie, guess it’s best to tell the truth
i ain’t sorry for being what i am
i am sorry if it’s not what you had planned
we learn to hate the things that we don’t understand
i am what i am
i picture the pain in your eyes as i confess
but the fact remains i gotta get this off my chest
hope it won’t stain when we start to clean the mess
i fear the worst but i am hoping for the best REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Tryin' On Clothes (p76)
Theme: Masking to avoid revealing truths about yourself.
Theme: Masking to avoid revealing truths about yourself.
Corresponding Song: No Stopping It
This is an ode to my “flaws” - the things about me that I struggle to overcome, that I have experienced much shame and embarrassment about. (ie, binge-eating, dermatillomania). It’s not so much to celebrate or honor those things about myself, but just to speak them out loud in an attempt to not let shame rule or ruin my life. To acknowledge the things that make us flawed/human and be okay with co-existing with our “issues” as we work on them.
Lyrics:
ain't no stopping my frightening appetite
i snap like a snake, always take the biggest bite
oh, too busy chewing, i know i'm not doing it right
oh, no one ever told me how to hold a fork and knife
so i swallow it whole, taking it down, losing control, ain't no stopping it now
i regurgitate, spit it back out, must be something i ate, ain't no stopping it now
ain't no stopping my rising Fahrenheit
i'm sick as a dog, always crying every night
oh, reticent to medicine, hesitant to taking care
oh, cause when everyone leaves, my disease is always there
REPEAT CHORUS
here it comes again better out than in
REPEAT CHORUS
This is an ode to my “flaws” - the things about me that I struggle to overcome, that I have experienced much shame and embarrassment about. (ie, binge-eating, dermatillomania). It’s not so much to celebrate or honor those things about myself, but just to speak them out loud in an attempt to not let shame rule or ruin my life. To acknowledge the things that make us flawed/human and be okay with co-existing with our “issues” as we work on them.
Lyrics:
ain't no stopping my frightening appetite
i snap like a snake, always take the biggest bite
oh, too busy chewing, i know i'm not doing it right
oh, no one ever told me how to hold a fork and knife
so i swallow it whole, taking it down, losing control, ain't no stopping it now
i regurgitate, spit it back out, must be something i ate, ain't no stopping it now
ain't no stopping my rising Fahrenheit
i'm sick as a dog, always crying every night
oh, reticent to medicine, hesitant to taking care
oh, cause when everyone leaves, my disease is always there
REPEAT CHORUS
here it comes again better out than in
REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: What If? (p90)
Theme: Incessant Worry-Wondering
Theme: Incessant Worry-Wondering
Corresponding Song: What Even is Life?
This song takes on that stream-of-consciousness worry-wonder. Wrote in an existential fury after losing a really close friend.
Lyrics:
is it a wall, is it a well, is it a building or a bridge?
sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what fucking structure even is
is it a snake in the grass, is it a flower in the weeds?
what does it take, what does it ask,
what does it give, what does it need?
what even is life? just a place to live and die
find someone to love and say goodbye? what even is life?
call me godless, call me brainless, call me sinner, call me faithless
call me devil, call me rival, point to pages in your bible
preach of gold up in the heavens, warn of flames that burn in hell
go ahead, pretend to be an expert on shit you don’t know so well
what even is life? just a car you don’t know how to drive
and you’ll never make it out alive? what even is life?
is it kind of arbitrary but a little bit on purpose?
time is precious and it’s scary but it’s make-believe and worthless
are we ignorant, are we brilliant, are we fixed or are we fluid?
are we floating on forever, are we rotting where we’re rooted?
what even is life? just a place that we call home
live together and die alone? what even is life?
This song takes on that stream-of-consciousness worry-wonder. Wrote in an existential fury after losing a really close friend.
Lyrics:
is it a wall, is it a well, is it a building or a bridge?
sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what fucking structure even is
is it a snake in the grass, is it a flower in the weeds?
what does it take, what does it ask,
what does it give, what does it need?
what even is life? just a place to live and die
find someone to love and say goodbye? what even is life?
call me godless, call me brainless, call me sinner, call me faithless
call me devil, call me rival, point to pages in your bible
preach of gold up in the heavens, warn of flames that burn in hell
go ahead, pretend to be an expert on shit you don’t know so well
what even is life? just a car you don’t know how to drive
and you’ll never make it out alive? what even is life?
is it kind of arbitrary but a little bit on purpose?
time is precious and it’s scary but it’s make-believe and worthless
are we ignorant, are we brilliant, are we fixed or are we fluid?
are we floating on forever, are we rotting where we’re rooted?
what even is life? just a place that we call home
live together and die alone? what even is life?
Poem: Sour Face Ann (p91)
Theme: Grass is Greener complex
Theme: Grass is Greener complex
Corresponding Song: Jealous of You
I wrote this song as I watched artists I had come up with in the national folk scene continue to rise while I felt like I was taking backwards steps in my career. I was so happy that their hard work paid off but salty that mine had not. And sometimes it’s just okay to name that jealousy instead of letting it fester inside you. There’s this picture of me recording vocals for this song with a big pregnant belly. And it reminds me of this poem. While I may not have gained the traction I desired in music, something else I desired even more than that was growing in my body.
Lyrics:
i don't like to compare
but the grass looks greener over there
i work hard, you do too
but what we both wanted only came to you
and i'm sending you all my well wishes
but the truth is, i'm jealous of you
yeah i'm jealous of you
yeah i'm jealous of you
i try not to be sad
just be grateful for all the things i have
i don't like to say it out loud
these green eyes don't make me proud REPEAT CHORUS
i don't like to waste my time
picking sour grapes from the vine
just keep it moving it's all i can do
just wish i wasn't so jealous of you REPEAT CHORUS
I wrote this song as I watched artists I had come up with in the national folk scene continue to rise while I felt like I was taking backwards steps in my career. I was so happy that their hard work paid off but salty that mine had not. And sometimes it’s just okay to name that jealousy instead of letting it fester inside you. There’s this picture of me recording vocals for this song with a big pregnant belly. And it reminds me of this poem. While I may not have gained the traction I desired in music, something else I desired even more than that was growing in my body.
Lyrics:
i don't like to compare
but the grass looks greener over there
i work hard, you do too
but what we both wanted only came to you
and i'm sending you all my well wishes
but the truth is, i'm jealous of you
yeah i'm jealous of you
yeah i'm jealous of you
i try not to be sad
just be grateful for all the things i have
i don't like to say it out loud
these green eyes don't make me proud REPEAT CHORUS
i don't like to waste my time
picking sour grapes from the vine
just keep it moving it's all i can do
just wish i wasn't so jealous of you REPEAT CHORUS
Poem: Union for Children's Rights (p140)
Theme: The Future/Our Children
Theme: The Future/Our Children
Corresponding Song: Well Enough Alone
This illustration is cute and light-hearted, but looking at it in the context of what is happening to Palestinian children, funded by our tax dollars, as I work myself into the ground to afford rent and raspberries makes me feel ill. So I’ll leave you with a song that encourages you to use whatever resources/power/privilege you have - however big or small - to speak out against this senseless suffering and help me create a world where all children can have the childhoods they want and deserve.
Lyrics:
so you're not speaking, you don't like the way your voice quakes
but you're teaching your children
with every sound that you don't make
so you're not marching, you don't like it when your feet ache
but your children are watching every step that you don't take
it's not good enough to leave well enough alone
they got weapons of war, we got pens, shoes, and microphones
do you love enough to not leave well enough alone?
so you're not giving, you don't really have a dime to spare
but your children are invested in a future that you won't share
so you're not witnessing, it's more comfortable to look away
so the children keep dying all so you can have a nicer day
REPEAT CHORUS
This illustration is cute and light-hearted, but looking at it in the context of what is happening to Palestinian children, funded by our tax dollars, as I work myself into the ground to afford rent and raspberries makes me feel ill. So I’ll leave you with a song that encourages you to use whatever resources/power/privilege you have - however big or small - to speak out against this senseless suffering and help me create a world where all children can have the childhoods they want and deserve.
Lyrics:
so you're not speaking, you don't like the way your voice quakes
but you're teaching your children
with every sound that you don't make
so you're not marching, you don't like it when your feet ache
but your children are watching every step that you don't take
it's not good enough to leave well enough alone
they got weapons of war, we got pens, shoes, and microphones
do you love enough to not leave well enough alone?
so you're not giving, you don't really have a dime to spare
but your children are invested in a future that you won't share
so you're not witnessing, it's more comfortable to look away
so the children keep dying all so you can have a nicer day
REPEAT CHORUS
