Lyrics:

If I wore all the bells
If I blew all the whistles
If I drew the parallels
If I called my officials
Would you want me? Would you want me?
If I cashed a bigger check
If I cooked a better dinner
If I slept more or less
If I went to bed a winner
Would you want me? Would you want me?
If I lost all the weight
If I started medication 
If I stopped to meditate
If I understood creation
Would you want me? Would you want me?

This one is kind of about how you (or people consoling you) try to rationalize and stay positive in grief. I try to tell myself to feel better because a lot people have it a lot worse. For example, I often think "don't be too sad about all that debt; some people don't even have a credit card" or "don't be too sad you had a shitty relationship with your mom as an adult; at least you had a good childhood and a lot of people don't even get that." Problem is, sometimes this makes you feel worse. It's like adding a thick layer of guilt to a grief sandwich.​ Soooo, I've been feeling some of the depression more now since the initial shock has worn off. I know (I hope) I'll climb out of that but it can be more comfortable and comforting to hang out with the familiar/negative stuff than exert the energy required to find the positive. Depression contradicts with all the things we learn about trying to be a good, virtuous person, so I leaned on some imagery about Justice, Prudence, Courage, etc. to try and illustrate how they don't quite matter or even make a whole lot of sense in my current reality. Grief/loss is a pretty prevalent theme in my songwriting, but it's just extra raw right now. Hence the crying.

Lyrics
​
1. I’ve got nothing left I can balance on
That lady with the blindfold is gone
Her scale and her sword have nothing more to say
It was just us then, it’s just me now
Where’s the justice in time running out
I’m trying to transcend but it sinks further in every day
CHOURUS
So I keep company with well-known cons
I’m confident they’re my confidants
And the pros won’t speak to me
They are prone to secrecy
And I don’t know if I’ll ever get through it
Cause I’ve been the only one swearing them to it
2. There’s no wisdom now, no prudence here
If I’m reckless or cautious, I really don’t care
This snake and this mirror just slithered nearer to prey
I don’t feel courage and I’m not in control
I can’t produce faith and I won’t be consoled
And I’m losing all hope that I’ll ever know better todays

Lyrics:
​
1. Asking you to think of me sounds so absurd
Girl I could never work up the nerve
Your lightning smiles and thunder eyes are elements I crave  
But I could never bring myself to brave
CHORUS 
Cooked up some big plans for you and I
They’re burning up like a pie in the sky
We're not getting anywhere but goodbye
Once smitten I’m twice shy
2. I could be the one to give love like you deserve 
But honey I could never work up the nerve
Dreams of us superfluous in this reality
Being conscious of you made a coward of me
CHORUS