Not one, but two podcasts featuring yours truly premiered today! Hope you listen to both in entirety, but if you want to skip around, I took the liberty of breaking down each episode for you below. Both The Dusty Futon and Unstarving Musician podcasts are wonderful supporters of local/indie music. Since I always get asked about my beginnings in the music industry, you'll see I talk about some similar topics, but the flavor of each show is totally different, which is what makes podcasts so cool! I definitely recommend subscribing and browsing some of their past episodes!
Dusty Futon
3:54 - When I Started Playing Music 8:06 - Coming Out/Getting Married Young/Therapy 10:05 - Cathryn Beeks/Listen Local San Diego 11:10 - "Surrogate" w/ Commentary 13:38 - Studio Studios/Alex Dausch 15:03 - Boxing 16:06 - Touring/Performing 17:00 - Multitasking 17:18 - Anxiety / Mental Health 19:20 - Winning a San Diego Music Award 21:50 - The Lovebirds 25:20 - "My Beast" w/ Commentary 30:10 - How I Started Playing Guitar / My Writing Process 35:07 - Music Influences 37:30 - Kleenex Jingles and Taxes 41:50 - "Rubber Band Gun" w/ Commentary (& Crying) 
Unstarving Musician
4:50 - Amy & Gary's House Concerts
6:38 - When I Started Pursuing Music 8:22 - Side Hustles 10:40 - Basketball / Boxing 12:26 - More Side Hustles 14:30 - Rye Room Sessions / "Deep Dark Down" 16:20 - Studio Studios / Alex Dausch 20:13 - Tracks vs. Lights Out 22: 55 - Not Giving AF About Genres 24:23 - Gratitude Journaling / Anxiety / Insomnia 31:44 - From Central California to San Diego 34:00 - Basketball vs. Music / Music Therapy 36:20 - New Music / What's Next 37:27 - Writing Faster Than I Can Record 38:40 - Moving Past Grief / Raging Feminism 40:20 - Writing Routine / Songwriting Book Club 43:45 - Songwriting Groups / Peers 46:16 - Folk Festivals & House Concerts 47:30 - Tenacity, Patience, & Resilience 51:05 - Touring 54:38 - "Surrogate"
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Just finished this in time for my songwriting book club meeting. It was inspired by the book Pronoia by Spencer Brezsny. His primary thesis is that the universe is conspiring in our favor. For the most part I agree with this theory and the author's content, but I didn't love the presentation so much. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood to "go there" with him. In any case, I found it amusing that I've been trying to turn a corner on my cynical songwriting, and here was an author showing me a trillion examples of optimism, yet I just kept rolling my eyes at the way the book was structured. I had Dylan's song Idiot Wind in mind the whole time. Instead of trying to stifle my cynicism, I just let myself bask in it for the sake of the song. It was kind of fun to give myself permission to do that. Who knows, maybe I subconsciously learned that lesson from the book! i've had enough of you i've had enough of you i sure wish your mouth came with some glue cause i've had enough of you it's not what you say but the way that you state it it's not what you serve up but the way that you plate it i'm already fed up 'fore i see the menu yes i've had enough of you you're like a book i can't read you're like a book i can't read the day i put you down was the day i was freed yeah you're like a book i can't read each word so much worse than the last i curse every page and skim past all this stuff, it's just fluff, a marshmallow stampede yeah you're like a book i can't read i concur with your scorn for my cynical ways it's a lazy and boring disguise but the soapbox you stand on takes up too much space and it's taking a toll on the roll on my eyes when that idiot wind starts to blow when that idiot wind starts to blow i always take it as my cue to go when that idiot wind starts to blow i don't like to watch when the emperor streaks or the way that the breath of a bragging man reeks i'm covering my eyes, i'm plugging my nose when that idiot wind starts to blow  Hello friends. I just finished up a song inspired by my latest songwriting book club read, The Sandcastle Girls by Chris Bohjalian. It was a good read - really intense but fascinating (fictional but historical) account of the Armenian genocide. I loved how the author traced the story of struggle and survival through multiple generations, ethnicities, etc. of women. In these songwriting challenges, I always try to find the characters or themes that resonate with me, and apply my own experience, but I felt like kind of an imposter trying to relate on a personal level to the unimaginable suffering these characters witnessed and endured. My problems become all but imaginary when viewed through the horrifying lens of attempted ethnic cleansing. So instead of narrowing my focus, I widened the scope and thought about how the book relates to the position many women have found themselves in since the dawn of time. We play so many roles for "some man, some god, some war" - some of which are forced on us, some of which we embrace, many of which demean us or destroy us in one way or another. Whether we are perceived as sexual objects of desire, spiritual objects of religion, or social objects of war, we've been consistently rendered useless, unworthy of governing our own bodies, choosing our own beliefs, or creating our own culture. I'm encouraged at how far we've come, but slightly exasperated at how far we've yet to go. Here's hoping the momentum will continue to build. I truly believe women are the key to making a more powerful impact and a more peaceful world. If you agree, please give this song a share! Lyrics: 1. She is dried out like the desert She is famished, all but vanished by design And her hide out is her cactus heart Her own hand grenade, a barricade of spines CHORUS The sands of time repeating She’s seen suffering before Her future takes a beating for some man, some god, some war 2. She is minding her own business Steadfastly building castles of sand She is blinded by a raging son Who demolishes and calls it all his land CHORUS These poor holy rolling soldiers’ plight They can’t live without their virgins and whores To lift their strengths and spirits to fight for Some man, some god, some war 3. We are sucking out the venom Of poisonous scorpions and snakes We are bucking this ecosystem Til our mother’s deserts are our daughter’s lakes CHORUS Oh, wondrous, thunderous women Together too loud to ignore No more curtsies at the mercy of some man, some god, some war  Excuse me while I fangirl out a little bit, but best-selling author Mitch Albom (Tuesdays With Morrie, The Five People You Meet in Heaven) gave me a shout-out today on his Facebook page, sharing a song I recently wrote influenced by his latest book The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto. How cool is that?! Listen to the song here and find the book here.  Check out this month's issue of San Diego Troubadour for a great interview and writeup about the new album Lights Out. I love how Lizzie Wann was able to weave together two of my passions (music and boxing). Shout-out to Title Boxing Club North Park! Plus, I got to talk about how much I love my wifey: “Audrie supported me through what now seems like an obvious realization that I deserve to be happy, and I’ve been bonkers in love with her ever since.” READ MORE  Here's another songwriting book club creation, inspired by The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto by Mitch Albom. I was immediately taken by the fact that the narrative unfolded largely through the telling of stories at the main character's funeral. I started thinking about mom's recent death and how people I hardly know have reached out to me with little stories about the kind of imprint she left on their lives. I thought about my own funeral and how I hope to live in a way where people might have nice things to say or funny stories to tell at my funeral. Kind of morbid stuff, but it's a good way for us all to think about the stamp we want to leave on the world. Lyrics: Everyone’s wearing black Everyone looks so sad Everyone can be seated now Everyone ends up dead Everyone bow your heads Everyone remember CHORUS Was there a time or two or three she had you laughing Was she with you giving tissues when you cried Was she the kind of kind worth photographing in your mind? Did she give you a good story for the day she died? Everyone goes to bed Everyone ends up dead Everyone will live another day Everyone still misses Everyone reminisces Everyone has something to say CHORUS Was there a time or two or three she had you laughing Was there a moment you just had to memorize Was she the kind of kind worth photographing in your mind? Did she give you a good story for the day she died?  Hi friends - Here's a new song hot off the press! This song was inspired by my latest songwriter book club selection, Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, as well as the song prompt "How to be a Winner when you Lose" provided by Eagles songwriter Jack Tempchin for next month's "The Game" event hosted by Listen Local Radio. The book Big Magic advises artsits to ditch the notion of suffering for your work or relying on a positive outcome/review to feel fulfilled as an artist. Gilbert proposes that by making yourself more attractive to "Big Magic" (the supernatural form of inspiration that we creative-types all lust after) via a courageous mindset, a diligent work ethic, and a positive attitude, you will find more inspiration and joy in the process of creating as a whole. As someone who writes a lot about loss, grief, anxiety, fear, and fun things like that, I had a tough time swallowing this pill of a book. I understand and agree with the big picture version of Gilbert's concepts, particularly the idea of finding peace by detaching from outcome. I don't want to be a mARTyr (I just made that up) as a human or a songwriter, but I do think it's important to create art about human suffering. I have healthily processed so many difficult experiences both as a creator and a listener of this type of music. I guess I don't really know how to create this type of work from a non-suffery place. I sat down to write a song with the book in mind, and it ended up sounding like I was pleading my case to the author yet trying to come around by subscribing to her logic. The last lines for the chorus were originally: "seems like big magic's only big hat trick is disappearing with my heart...and if she ever comes around again she won't catch me suffering in the name of art." I knew that, for me, that last line was a total lie. Inspiration will most definitely catch me suffering again. That's where she always finds me, actually. So imagine my delight when I read the song prompt "How to be a Winner when you Lose." This was the missing piece I needed to get on board with my new song. It allowed me create space for the light without completely ignoring the tunnel. Hope you enjoy! Hear it live on January 19th at Brick 15 in Del Mar! Lyrics: 1. it's not like I was asking loss to be my best friend but she stuck around when the chips were down i've always found her at the bitter end it's not like I've forgotten where the doors are or how to knock them i quite like the sound of the pavement pounding underneath the steps of my ambition CHORUS i wanted big magic, the kind of life that shoots across the sky lighting up the dark i've got this book of matches wet with regret, splintered with time and i can't find the spark seems like big magic's only big hat trick is to go when she knows you blew a fuse she'll leave you sitting in the dim learning how to be a winner when you lose 2. it's not like I'm complaining about the waxing and the waning i prefer the rise and fall of a curve ball i'm always honored by her visitation it's not like i am choiceless or powerless or voiceless but i feel so weak, it gets hard to speak in the ruthless furnace of expectation CHORUS  Hi friends - I'm excited to share a new song with you based on the latest book selection for my songwriter book club. The book was Slade House by David Mitchell. This was my first pseudo-spooky read. I'm not normally into things that go bump in the night, but I think my songwriting shield helped protect me from getting too spooked! I drew a majority of inspiration from the novel's surrealism, paired with the antagonists’ pragmatic approach to survival via deception. One particular line stuck out to me in the first chapter, when the first victim – a lonely, socially abnormal young boy – is unwittingly lured into the trap by a new playmate. “Maybe this is like having a friend.” It was a moving line that reminded me how willing, even desperate, we are to put our trust and faith in the promise of a meaningful relationship, sometimes against our own better judgement. Victim after victim, this theme was reinforced in the story and it resonated with my own experiences with suffering and survival. How many times have I made a logical decision for my own survival that caused an innocent person pain? How many times have the roles been reversed and I was the one who felt the blows? One scenario seems unfortunate but necessary; the other seems cruel and unfair. I have been both soul-sucker, and the sucked-soul. This song is written from both perspectives…a purposely muddled narrative culminating in a final question…what do you give or give up in order to get or get through? Lyrics: 1. Sit still, don't breathe This is how you leave - you have been deceived Nostrils flare, scare eyes You can't event cry - you are paralyzed CHORUS The fleeting fox, the hunting hound Chase each other around Was it real, or just pretend? Tell me this isn't all there is to being a friend 2. Deceased, you feast Tell me how I taste at least Pursed lips, time drips - what a winning waste of a losing grip CHORUS 3. Detect, report Truth and lies distort - where's my life support Refuge, refugee This is how you flee - showing no mercy CHORUS  |
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