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During the recent coverage of the California wildfires, I read about two people who were found burned beyond recognition trying to escape. I’ve been sick to my stomach imagining what it might have been like to lose everything, even your life. I can’t stop picturing myself in a car with my wife in the same situation. What would I even say, knowing I was unable to keep her safe? My heart bleeds for all the families suffering. I sat down to write this song, and ended up incorporating a bit of the Modern English song "Melt With You" into the chorus. Lyrics: fire’s coming round the mountain, babe, start running for the car no time for family photo albums, records, or guitars freeewheelin’ dylan was my savior but I cannot return the favor i know them all my heart anyways they’ll be blowin’ in the wind after the blaze you’re the only thing that i refuse to lose even driving toward death’s door, you’re my refuge when the world stops burning, this flame will continue and i’ll melt with you smoke’s clouding up our eyes, babe, open your ears and try to hear me they may not recognize our bodies but I’ve memorized your spirit leaving life is really scary but skin and bones are temporary my love for you’s the only truth that stays it will be blowin’ in the wind after the blaze you’re the only thing that i refuse to lose even driving toward death’s door, you’re my refuge when the world stops burning, this flame will continue and i’ll melt with you 
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I wrote this song in honor of a young friend, Tyler Hastings, whose funeral I recently attended. Most of the attendees were fellow Red Cross workers, all wearing their red shirts in honor of him. Red is usually such an aggressive color, but on this day, I saw it through a softer lens and decided to write about it in the context of mourning and celebration of life. Tyler was one of my Patreon supporters, and he never failed to offer encouragement and humor, not just to me, but to everyone around him. I'm very thankful to have known him. Lyrics: red today, i’m seeing red todayi’m seeing red today not in an angry way red like a cross that saves on disastrous days or a heart that loves in fantastic ways read like the cartoons when you’re searching for laughter red like a curtain that falls from the rafters at the end of a play, we all make our way off the stage and i don’t pretend to be certain but i’m pretty sure that curtain will rise again it’s just a matter of when  Yet another song about the current state of leadership (or lack thereof) in our country. When I say “we ain’t worth keeping” I certainly don’t mean human life isn’t worth anything. I mean that when we treat life as meaningless (either our own, or other groups of people), or when we demonstrate with our words and actions a belief that money/power is more important than the well-being of life/the planet, there are severe consequences, and we’re seeing those consequences play out in our society daily. I am so saddened by where we are but also not in the least bit surprised based on our choices/actions as a society. It doesn’t take a genius to realize a Trump presidency was going to produce the circling-the-drain reality we wake up to every morning. I believe our country is diseased, and in order to cure that disease, I think we should promote education, celebrate diversity, encourage and applaud service, provide all people with the food, housing, healthcare, and mental health services they need, respect all religion (or no religion) while firmly separating it from our government, put down our defenses, be willing to listen, and acknowledge the hurt and fear we all feel. Above all we need to take ownership of the the ways we individually contribute to other people’s suffering even when we don’t intend to or aren’t aware of it. In a nutshell, we have to take care of each other. Until we all collectively decide that money and power are not worth the countless innocent lives lost to senseless acts of hate and violence, we will just continue to be desensitized to the skyrocketing probability that we, our someone we love, will be shot and killed in public by a stranger with a gun. The “getting used to it” is our body/brain’s way of coping with trauma. I hope in my lifetime, we rise up, fight that numbness, fight that greed, and make every sacrifice possible to show that we value human life more than we value wealth/power, comfort, and convenience. Lyrics this is what we get this is who we are we’re the tin man who ran away from a heart this is who we are it’s easy to explain we’re the scarecrow who said no to a brain you see, that rug is getting bigger the broom is getting thicker we ain’t worth keeping, so it’s sweeping us under we’re reaping what we’ve sown this ain’t no place like home this is what we get this is what we’ve become we’re the wicked and the cowardly just eating up our young this is who we are this is what we get ain’t no yellow brick gonna get us out of it and that rug is getting bigger that broom is getting thicker we ain’t worth keeping, so it’s sweeping us under we’re reaping what we’ve sown this ain’t no place like home  As we approached Halloween and the midterm elections, I had this thought in my head about how it's felt like Halloween since Trump got elected...just kinda feels like the country's been circling the drain for the past 2 years. I just chuckled and thought it'd make a silly spoof song, but didn't actually write and record it til the administration started bullying the trans community and pipe bombs started going out in the mail addressed to prominent Democrats. Right after I posted this some American terrorist murdered a bunch of elderly Jews in a synagogue. Like I said, scary fucking times. Which is why, even though this is a spoof, I don't look like I'm having very much fun. To the tune of "Lil' Red Riding Hood" by Sam Sham & The Pharaohs.
Lyrics: it's been halloween ever since 2016 trump makes freddy seem like a nice daydream (boo) talk about doom & gloom when you can't afford the emergency room and you're terrified w/ chills cause your wages won't pay the bills what big lies they tell i'd rather live at the bates motel than watch my country slip away to the nra & the kkk what big hypocrites getting rich for the apocalypse i gotta say, it's a scary day now that putting kids in cages is the christian way it's been halloween ever since 2016 trump makes freddy seem like a nice daydream (boo) talk about horrifying putting predators in power and ignoring science when every fox news line sends a shiver up & down my spine (boo) what big lies they have i'd rather jason chase me in a hockey mask than watch rights get stripped away for brown, trans, female, homeless, poor, or gay what big hypocrites placing blame on the journalists aspiring to be like our enemies & conspiring to murder our democracy it's been halloween ever since 2016 trump makes freddy seem like a nice daydream (boo) here's what we're gonna do listen up now i'm talking to you this red's gonna kill us dead so please vote blue 
Not one, but two podcasts featuring yours truly premiered today! Hope you listen to both in entirety, but if you want to skip around, I took the liberty of breaking down each episode for you below. Both The Dusty Futon and Unstarving Musician podcasts are wonderful supporters of local/indie music. Since I always get asked about my beginnings in the music industry, you'll see I talk about some similar topics, but the flavor of each show is totally different, which is what makes podcasts so cool! I definitely recommend subscribing and browsing some of their past episodes!
Dusty Futon
3:54 - When I Started Playing Music 8:06 - Coming Out/Getting Married Young/Therapy 10:05 - Cathryn Beeks/Listen Local San Diego 11:10 - "Surrogate" w/ Commentary 13:38 - Studio Studios/Alex Dausch 15:03 - Boxing 16:06 - Touring/Performing 17:00 - Multitasking 17:18 - Anxiety / Mental Health 19:20 - Winning a San Diego Music Award 21:50 - The Lovebirds 25:20 - "My Beast" w/ Commentary 30:10 - How I Started Playing Guitar / My Writing Process 35:07 - Music Influences 37:30 - Kleenex Jingles and Taxes 41:50 - "Rubber Band Gun" w/ Commentary (& Crying) 
Unstarving Musician
4:50 - Amy & Gary's House Concerts
6:38 - When I Started Pursuing Music 8:22 - Side Hustles 10:40 - Basketball / Boxing 12:26 - More Side Hustles 14:30 - Rye Room Sessions / "Deep Dark Down" 16:20 - Studio Studios / Alex Dausch 20:13 - Tracks vs. Lights Out 22: 55 - Not Giving AF About Genres 24:23 - Gratitude Journaling / Anxiety / Insomnia 31:44 - From Central California to San Diego 34:00 - Basketball vs. Music / Music Therapy 36:20 - New Music / What's Next 37:27 - Writing Faster Than I Can Record 38:40 - Moving Past Grief / Raging Feminism 40:20 - Writing Routine / Songwriting Book Club 43:45 - Songwriting Groups / Peers 46:16 - Folk Festivals & House Concerts 47:30 - Tenacity, Patience, & Resilience 51:05 - Touring 54:38 - "Surrogate" Thanks to my friends at Global Texan Chronicles for adding me to their Autumn Playlist on Spotify! Hope you give it a listen when you get a chance! (And maybe add one of my songs to one of your playlists while you're at it! Makes me look good in the eyes of Spotify curators when y'all do that!)  I wrote this song as I was glued to this week's hearing with Dr. Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh. Wow, so many feels. I cried, I yelled, I threw things. I know at the end of the day this guy will probably be confirmed, and that makes me angry because I think there are probably better people for the job. But overall, I just have an overwhelming sense of pride for Dr. Blasey Ford's bravery. It's hard to believe in 2018 that it's still so difficult for women to be taken seriously. But regardless of the outcome, she is helping to change a toxic culture, and for that I thank her. This song is dedicated to Dr. Blasey Ford and any other survivor who has had to put up with this shit week. (And if you don't think I'm being sensitive enough to what Kavanaugh has gone through, here are my thoughts on that). Lyrics: why you trying so hard to rein me in? you whistle when i trot, but not when i’m galloping is it getting out of hand, am i getting too wild? is it a shame i’m so untamed, so unbridled? i climbed up on my high horse cause it wasn’t safe to come down but i kinda miss the feeling of my feet running on the ground i don’t have no remorse cause i now got a better view i’ll gladly dismount when i can start counting on you until you stop hurting me, i’ve been saddled with a burden you see that’s the only reason why i climbed up on my high horse you think i’m chomping at the bit i’m just trying to help you out you’re trying to throw me off trying to kick me in the mouth you wish i would just stay in the stable laying in the hay you don’t want no trouble long as i’m not in the way  Last post, I announced the premiere of the "Deep Dark Down" live video recorded for The Rye Room Sessions in Portland, OR. Here's the second session we did for "Not a Boy." Both of these songs are on the album Lights Out currently available on iTunes, Spotify, etc. This song was the near-immediate result of how icky I felt after a songwriting critique. Many kind things were said, but the recurring "critique" part of the exchange was that my songs lacked focused themes and clear/streamlined perspectives. All in all it was a mixed bag, but I walked away from the experience feeling a little bit misunderstood as a songwriter. It made me think a lot about compromise. What am I willing to budge on as an artist in order to "level up" in the industry? It's a tough question to chew on, especially since I've never written with that goal in mind. It's kind of like how no one goes to therapy or AA thinking that they're going to get anything out of it other than one more day of survival. But on the flip side, I've been trying to gain listeners and earn money with this gig for years. Am I willing to sacrifice what I cherish about the songwriting process in order to potentially grow my audience and effin' net worth for a change? I don't know. My gut tells me I'd rather be poor for the rest of my life than change the way I write. Not to be dramatic, but I might actually rather be dead. I value constructive criticism (especially when coming from women in the industry) but I kept thinking how my songwriting hero Bob Dylan would probably never be caught dead asking someone to critique his 11-minute songs featuring 20 different characters and abstract AF imagery. Anyway, this all got me thinking about my ego- sometimes protective, sometimes possessive. But always there. are you my friend are you my enemy remember when you used to take good care of me lately you’ve been treating me unbearably ego, ego please let me know where did we go off track ego, ego you got my brain do you got my back are you Jekyll or Hyde it’s still not clear to me are you on my side or just tired of being near to me are you satisfied you got another tear from me ego, ego please let me know where did we go off track ego, ego you got my brain do you got my back we’re gonna have to make things right you gotta let me have a say cause we can’t keep having this fight and i can’t live this way ego, ego please let me know where did we go off track ego, ego you got my brain do you got my back  This here's a little ditty about the patriarchy. On a personal level, I'm noticing that every time a express myself with the realm of my little digital real estate (FB page, etc.), there is ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS some dude trying to tell me how I'm wrong or how I'd be better if only just blah blah blah. On a socio-political level, I'm just really sick of the patriarchy, y'all. Like, enough, already. I'm so ready for women to be in charge of shit, it's not even funny anymore. If you disagree with me, that's cool. But here's a song I wrote about it since I don't disagree with me. :) Lyrics: you say, girl i like it fast i say, boy that don’t surprise me for what it’s worth i didn’t even ask but you just gotta advise me i’m not hoping i’m not wishing i’m not asking for permission you keep talking i’m not listening my existence ain’t on trial here comes that crazy bitch again why does she get sensitive when you tell her she’d look better if she’d only fucking smile i didn’t ask you (woah) how you see me (ooh) i don’t need you (boy) just to be me (yeah) you say, girl you’re so emotional i say, boy you’re just afraid of living in a world where you’re losing control you cower in the power that i’m made of but it’s physical, political, emotional and spiritual it’s sexual, perpetual, habitual assault here comes that short skirt argument why does she get sensitive when you put your hands all over her and tell her it’s her fault  |
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