1. guess i was sweet on you
since before i could tie my shoes
since before i could feed myself
before i learned to trust someone else
grew up thinking it was okay
that i could trust whatever you say
didn't know what you were feeding me
now i'm filling in the cavities

cotton candy kind of love
never ever filled me up
we were spinning in your truth
cotton candy kind of pain
just a couple grains of sugar cane
and a whole mess of blue

2. guess i just wanted more
tired of living in your metaphor
tired of caring bout what you think
tired of hiding that i like pink
woke up wishing it wasn't true
watched the air fall out of you
it took the air right out of me
and i'm still licking you off my teeth

cotton candy kind of love
never ever filled me up
we were spinning in your truth
cotton candy kind of pain
just a couple grains of sugar cane
and a whole mess of blue

guess i was sweet on you...

cotton candy kind of love
never ever filled me up
we were spinning in your truth
cotton candy kind of pain
just a couple grains of sugar cane
and a whole mess of blue

Lyrics ("melt with you" portion attributed to song of the same name by Modern English)

fire’s coming round the mountain, babe, start running for the car
no time for family photo albums, records, or guitars
freeewheelin’ dylan was my savior but I cannot return the favor
i know them all by heart anyways
they’ll be blowin’ in the wind after the blaze

you’re the only thing that i refuse to lose
even driving toward death’s door, you’re my refuge
when the world stops burning, this flame will continue
and i’ll melt with you

smoke’s clouding up our eyes, babe, open your ears and try to hear me
they may not recognize our bodies but I’ve memorized your spirit
leaving life is really scary but skin and bones are temporary
my love for you’s the only truth that stays
it will be blowin’ in the wind after the blaze

you’re the only thing that i refuse to lose 
even driving toward death’s door, you’re my refuge 
when the world stops burning, this flame will continue 
and i’ll melt with you ​

i clicked the link that said add one to the basket
i didn’t think i’d be this young shopping for a casket
the whole thing was pink with pretty little flowers to match it
we watched it sink deep down in the grave that we paid for to stash it
 
in a way, the day she died, i did a little too
i’d have to say it was the day pink turned blue
 
when she was alive i’d get lost on a dime, broke down like a car
i tried to drive away so many times but never got too far
now i believe she’s giving me signs, i see ‘em in the stars
even though grief made me blind now i see her fine, she’s on my radar
 
in a way, she gave me the map, the key, and the gasoline
i’d have to say she’s paving the way for red to turn green

a little knievel, a little james dean
a little of your mama, a little mr. clean
a little love and laughter and kindness too
that’s what i think a lot about when i think of you
 
charismatic conor kent
ever since the accident
i've been wondering why you came and went so quickly
sometimes this world just don’t make sense
it gives and takes without consent
you were heaven-sent and i’m hell-bent on keeping you with me
my wrinkles they were worth it every last one
my dare-devil guardian angel son
 
a little country, a little hang ten
a little let loose, a little hardworking
a little adventure, a little smile too
that’s what i think a lot about when i think of you

is it a wall, is it a well, is it a building or a bridge?
sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what fucking structure even is
is it a snake in the grass, is it a flower in the weeds?
what does it take, what does it ask,
what does it give, what does it need?
 
what even is life?
just a place to live and die
find someone to love and say goodbye?
what even is life?
 
call me godless, call me faithless, call me a sinner, call me brainless
call me devil, call me rival, point to pages in your bible
preach of gold up in the heavens, warn of flames that burn in hell
go ahead, pretend to be an expert on shit you don’t know so well
 
what even is life?
just a car you don’t know how to drive
and you’ll never make it out alive?
what even is life?
 
is it kind of arbitrary but a little bit on purpose?
time is precious and it’s scary but it’s make-believe and worthless
are we ignorant, are we brilliant, are we fixed or are we fluid?
are we floating on forever, are we rotting where we’re rooted?

what even is life?
just a place that we call home
live together and die alone?
what even is life?

you had a big heart that bloomed like a flower
you had a smooth voice that sailed like a ship
you had a strong spine built like a tower
you had a sweet smile just like a kid’s
 
ever yours, ever mine
you taught me how to wait until the scar turns to a shine
ever green, ever blue
the color of my eyes now that they won't be seeing you
 
i had a hard time when you caught that fever
i had a long cry alone in my car
i had this pipe dream you'd live forever
i got this feeling you did not go far
 
ever mine, ever yours
our souls outlast the dusty bones of death and dinosaurs
ever long, evermore
on a scale of one to ten, my friend, i miss you 94

*pronouns changed from she to he in honor of my friend Jeffrey Joe who I lost the year I wrote this song

​everyone’s wearing black
everyone looks so sad
everyone can be seated now
everyone ends up dead
everyone bow your head
everyone remember
 
was there a time or two or three he had you laughing?
was he with you giving tissues when you cried?
was he the kind of kind worth photographing in your mind?
did he give you a good story for the day he died?
 
everyone goes to bed
everyone ends up dead
everyone will live another day
everyone still misses
everyone reminisces
everyone has something to say
 
was there a time or two or three he had you laughing?
was there a moment you just had to memorize?
was he the kind of kind worth photographing in your mind?
did he give you a good story for the day he died?

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you really got a hold on me
ooh, you sink your teeth
are you ever gonna give me relief?
or do i gotta pry myself free?
 
you're wearing out your welcome
i don't pretend to know where you really belong
i'm sorry for giving you the wrong impression
but guilt get gone
 
you really set a still steel trap
you and i go way way way back
are you ever gonna lift that latch?
don't you know i got a life to catch? 

i’ve got nothing left i can balance on
that lady with the blindfold is gone
her scale and her sword have nothing more to say
 
it was just us then, it’s just me now
where’s the justice in time running out
i’m trying to transcend but it sinks further in every day
 
so I keep company with well-known cons
i’m confident they’re my confidants
and the pros won’t speak to me
they are prone to secrecy
and i don’t know if I’ll ever get through it
cause I’ve been the only one swearing them to it
 
there’s no wisdom now, no prudence here
if I’m reckless or cautious, i really don’t care
this snake and this mirror just slithered nearer to prey
 
i don’t feel courage and i’m not in control
i can’t produce faith and i won’t be consoled
and i’m losing all hope that i’ll ever know better todays