is it a wall, is it a well, is it a building or a bridge?
sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what fucking structure even is
is it a snake in the grass, is it a flower in the weeds?
what does it take, what does it ask,
what does it give, what does it need?
 
what even is life?
just a place to live and die
find someone to love and say goodbye?
what even is life?
 
call me godless, call me faithless, call me a sinner, call me brainless
call me devil, call me rival, point to pages in your bible
preach of gold up in the heavens, warn of flames that burn in hell
go ahead, pretend to be an expert on shit you don’t know so well
 
what even is life?
just a car you don’t know how to drive
and you’ll never make it out alive?
what even is life?
 
is it kind of arbitrary but a little bit on purpose?
time is precious and it’s scary but it’s make-believe and worthless
are we ignorant, are we brilliant, are we fixed or are we fluid?
are we floating on forever, are we rotting where we’re rooted?

what even is life?
just a place that we call home
live together and die alone?
what even is life?

if i wore all the bells, if i blew all the whistles
if i drew the parallels, if i called my officials
would you want me? would you want me?
 
if i cashed a bigger check, if i cooked a better dinner
if i slept more or less, if i went to bed a winner
would you want me? would you want me?
 
if i lost all the weight, if i started medication
if i stopped to meditate, if i understood creation
would you want me? would you want me?

so you're not speaking, you don't like the way your voice quakes
but you're teaching your children
with every sound that you don't make
so you're not marching, you don't like it when your feet ache
but your children are watching every step that you don't take
 
it's not good enough to leave well enough alone
they got weapons of war, we got pens, shoes, and microphones
do you love enough to not leave well enough alone?
 
so you're not giving, you don't really have a dime to spare
but your children are invested in a future that you won't share
so you're not searching, you'd rather play your trump card
but your children are hurting with every fact that you disregard 

i feel unshakeable sadness
i feel unbreakable guilt
everybody’s just sitting on their axis
it’s just the way my axis tilts
i think a lot about life
i think a lot about death
everybody’s trying to do what’s right
with the life that they got left
 
won’t you tell me what would you rather be
the careless chaff or the worried wheat
 
i’m losing my sense of direction
i’m losing my will to proceed
done running for reelection
im ready to concede
 
who am I to call this hurting
who am I to be afraid
sometimes your blessing is a burden
sometimes a feather is a weight when you're the worried wheat
 
i will get on the saddle
i hope this horse can swim
right now i don't even want to paddle
i’ll be better in the morning

i find myself crossing a pair of my fingers
could it be a wish or a lie
is it oncoming peace or despair that lingers
in each breath of a chest-heaving sigh
the tremors that shake me after the quake
break me down cause they signify
that last little shift in a continent drift
the moment the end just passes you by
 
why does the whiplash hurt more than the impact?
the ache in your head makes you realize the glass cracked
life flashed through your eyes, but you're alive, still
if the crash doesn't get you the whiplash will
 
the sight of your nose throws me back in my chair
i only knew noses could smell
jumped geronimo style from way up in the air
it might have been brave, but i'm still scared as hell
the parachute pull has rattled my skull
i fumble for ways to propel
will gravity greet the ground with my feet
it usually does, but you never can tell

the scarlet letter's getting redder
the fingers are a-waggin'
the allegory in this story's got me feeling bilbo baggins
fighting feably to defeat fucking firebreathing dragons
seeking proof in fiction cause the truth has turned to fractions
 
it's what the people need
one deceptive dimension
stab it til it bleeds or no one will pay attention
give 'em what they want, a filthy little spectacle
a crucible is suitable, only when the noose is full
of someone else's neck
 
the mockingbird won't say a word
but you keep trying to kill it
the conviction in your diction grabs my will and tries to steal it
but i'll push my pen into your brain, my tongue behind it strong
the ink won't sink in just a blink
it takes time to write a wrong

*co-written with Veronica May
 
the synapse fails to connect
i thought i was being direct
hope is slowly dying
but confusion's ever-growing
the neurons fire away
receptors aren't willing to play
what's the use in trying
always feels as though i'm throwing

words against the wall
you're not hearing them at all
now there's something that
you are missing
words against the wall
you're not hearing them at all
all i need was for you to listen
 
the brain and the heart won't shake hands
i never know where my arrow lands
days into years, you're reaping what you're sowing
i look in the mirror and i see you
genetic's pathetic attempt to show proof
am i ringing in your ears
always feels as though i'm throwing

everyone’s putting on their mittens and gloves
but we’re still holding hands cause we’re smitten with love
everyone’s bundled up for a day in the snow
but we’re just staying warm underneath the mistletoe
 
who needs warmer weather
with you and me together
honey i will never be cold
who needs warmer weather
i’ve got you to hold
 
everyone’s huddled round the fire to feel the heat
but we’re still laying in bed cause you’re warming up my feet
everyone’s wrapping both hands around their coffee mug
but we’re all tied up in a cozy Christmas hug