beautiful soul
where do you go
what have you learned
that we don't yet know
 
it's terrible and tragic
it's beautiful and magic
there's joy in the sadness even when it's invisible
i see you even though you're invisible
 
beautiful girl
you left the world
in every shell
a shining pearl

*co-written with Veronica May
(in standard key - different than recording)
​Verse: ​C Am Dm G  // C Bb A Dm  G G7
Chorus: F C Am Em F // F C-B-Am Dm G C
Bridge: Em F Em F G // C E7 Am C // Dm D7 G G7
Last Chorus: F C Am Em F // F C-B-A7 Dm G C // Dm G C

somewhere out in Colorado upon the plains
thirty miles east of Denver where it barely rains
there's an old abandoned house down on fetzer st.
where music used to rise out of the ivory piano keys
flower patterned wallpaper withered all away
grandpa's black boots faded all to gray
closet full of dresses that grammy always wore
and a square cut in the carpet leading to cellar door

beyond the cellar door
the shelves are all reserved
for rows and rows of mason jars
filled up with preserves
the memories remain 
though life lives there no more
bottle up, just like the jam beyond the cellar door

grandpa played the fiddle though his fingers were too wide
mama sang with grammy side by side 
now the air is still and stale, the fiddle's in its case
ain't it sad how so much nothing can fill up so much space
seven in the morning, 1959
breakfast on the table, the house was in its prime
grandpa zips his black boots up to start his daily chores
while grammy places another jar beyond the cellar door
 
like the square cut in that carpet
there's two now in the ground
rows and rows just like those
just like any other town
i know my time will come
and i wonder what's in store
beyond this life
beyond the grave
beyond the cellar door

*co-written with Veronica May
 
she was born with big eyes, she was born with wild dreams
she was born with big love, bursting at the seams
she was born with hope, she was born with light
she was born to lose, she learned how to fight
 
but when you fall down 
200 pairs of hands will tell you don’t give up tonight
so in the next round, you’ll be back in the ring 
and we’ll be screamin fight baby fight

she’s a constellation, vast just like orion
grace just like a sparrow, courage like a lion

it’s not a fight to the end, it’s a fight to the start
it’s not a fight to the death, it’s a fight to the heart
and we’ll be screamin fight baby fight

*co-written with Veronica May
Verse: root G F#m F Em
Chorus: C D Em // (even if forever... F pass through E to G)
Bridge: same as verse
 
i daydream of the day when you say dear, i'm sorry
cause i remember more than you could know
nightmares turn to tangible truths and i remember
that no one feels safe around you

i never wanted to say the word never (never)
but sometimes something's got to change somehow (ooh)
it hurts me but i have to say forever (it's better)
even if forever is for now

 i daydream of the day when i can say mom, i'm pregnant
cause i remember fondly you're fond of children
but dreams turn into nightmares when i remember
no child will you love more than (your child is a piece of) God

forgiveness, come find me soon
protection do the same
traveling through the brain and heart
but it arrives in the same vein

if this will ever get better it will surely get worse
who says what, when, where, who calls who first
is hope even worth holding or do i wipe it off my hands
the situation paces restless in the places that it stands
 
i watch with aching despair from my own bird's eye
how can i bring you air without losing my sky
you threw up your borders i just drew a line
will it trace back to you or erase over time
 
i fly like a phoenix, i hover over your mule
as it thrashes its hooves in a sorrow-full pool
i know only to rise now so i can't dive back down
and besides, if i tried we both surely would drown
 
i didn't dig a grave or burn a bridge, i broke a cycle
the life you gave i yearned to live, the alternative was suicidal
it was never what i wanted - to be a self-inflicted orphan
now i lay awake haunted by a cursed, reversed abortion

i picture the scene between me and you
sitting motionless in this living room
it’s a terrible thing to test the strength of blood-glue
but i don’t wanna lie, guess it’s best to tell the truth
 
i ain’t sorry for being what i am
i am sorry if it’s not what you had planned
we learn to hate the things that we don’t understand
i am what i am
 
i picture the pain in your eyes as i confess
but the fact remains i gotta get this off my chest
hope it won’t stain when we start to clean the mess
i fear the worst but i am hoping for the best

*Co-write with Veronica May. (first verse lyrics corrected - we got it backwards in the video)
​
she was late to church one day
and they need someone had to play
so he picked up her guitar right when she pulled up in her car
bethel and ollie met that day
 
they were full of love (bethel and ollie)
they were full of light (bethel and ollie)
he was more than a husband (bethel and ollie)
she was more than a wife (true love)
they were true to their vows (bethel and ollie)
til the day the died (always falling)
bethel and ollie always falling into love
 
he tended to their fields as she tended to their home
they intended to give love and had five children of their own
camping in the summers, cotton in the spring
and in the fall they were falling

when my grandpa died, i think he might
have taken happiness with him
everything turned gray, colors washed away
god refused to listen
when my mom and dad finally got so sad
they had to end their union
it opened up my eyes, made me realize
they are only human
 
people say that love is the only answer
but i know they’ve got to be wrong
because this love’s my only question
where is my love, why is it gone?
 
when i left my home, i felt so alone
fair weather friends turned their backs
such a scary thought to go from having a lot
to living out of plastic bags
now i feel so strange and i know it will change
who i am forever
knocks the wind from me, brings me to my knees
turns me into a beggar

Capo 1, chord shapes:
​Verse: Em Am B7 Em
Chorus: Am Em Am B7

you say your house fell down, you say your foundation cracked
you say you stumbled to the ground, can't get your footing back
you say you're all alone and nothing's set in stone
you say you lost your head, you say you lost your way
you say your moral compass has led you astray
you say you miss the days when you were set in your ways
 
even roots change, even roots grow
even skyscrapers sway when the wind blows
if nothing ever changed how would we ever know which way to go?
even the earth moves even the river flows
the story's going to end but we don't know how it goes
the greatest part of life is it keeps you on your toes
 
i say i'm not so sure certainty is everything it's cracked up to be
you say it hurts to change
i say, well, certainly
one day we all will fall like leaves
don't hide behind walls falsely called beliefs
it's not your destiny to drown in flux, achilles

you're crazy, you're lazy
that's not a good match
there are holes the size of lies
you're trying to patch
by try, i mean deny (never do it, never do it, do you)
and by try, i mean ignore
and by try, i mean get by
and by try, i mean you stopped fighting for

you should just give up
you should just give in
you should just cut the cord if you can't find the end
if you're playing a game that you're not trying to win
you should just give up and give in

you're hollow, you wallow
in pits of despair
there's pools filled with sorrow
you're trying to repair
by try, i mean deny (never do it, never do it, do you)
and by try, i mean ignore
and by try, i mean get by
and by try, i mean you stopped fighting for

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